Diggin this feelin

So I'm really happy lately...just sayin. John and I got back together last weekend. I'm really happy about it. Like, idk why but it just feels right. I mean, he was always such a great guy and always did right by me, but there was too much that happened all at once that tore us apart...but all of that has changed and it's so different this time around. Everything is better and like, I think we both know it. And we have had so many deep conversations the last few weeks...

...there is so much that i need to tell him, or i feel like I should tell him. I mean, everything from right after we broke up until Bowie and i started dating is such a messy blur and I feel like i need to tell him so I can move on and feel better about this and make this better. Not better but like, idk, it's hard to explain. I mean it was such a weird and horrible time in my life. And ever since John and I started talking again, even though he has told me that it was all him, he blames himself for us breaking up, and forgave me a long time ago for my wrong doings towards him...I still beat myself up over it. All I can think about are all the horrible things that I said and all the stupid things i used to justify our break up. Legitimate, yes. Worth it, not so much.

Next weekend, after the football game, when he gets out of work, I'm going to go to Brockport, and we can have our alone time, and then I think I will be opening up my heart to him, hoping that he doesn't want to kick me out and make me leave because what i have to say is too much for him to take. But I feel like if I don't tell him, I can't completely give all of myself to him. And on that note, I'm really hoping he opens up to me this time around. Like, I feel like we could have gotten soooo much closer...and I know we can this time around. I really feel something special about this...because it has felt so right since we began talking again. Who knew facebook was so effective?

Sigh, I'm rambling now...I should just stop...maybe i'll come back later, especially since I can't talk to John for at least another hour and a half cuz his phone is dead and he doesn't get out till nine and it takes him a long while to get home...blargh