Frustrated

This seems to be the only outlet for my frustration without pissing anyone off, so I'm going to utilize it.

I am so incredibly frustrated right now. At everything. At work, at people, at life in general. I hate feeling like this. Like, my anger at one thing is overflowing into other parts of my life, and that pisses me off, so I get more upset, and it's just a vicious cycle that I can't seem to get myself out of.

Im getting my hair done today, which is long overdue...I need to just be able to bear my soul to Karen...vent to her, spill my guts to someone who won't judge me. Then I don't want to go to lauren's concert tongiht. I want to clean my room and go on a reeeeeally long walk and just let go of all this anger. I don't want to sit in those awful chairs for hours on end listening to Samulski talk about nothing important, and listen to Lauren for all of 5 minutes. I love hearing her play, but on a night like tonight, I need some me time to just unwind, from everything.

I just want it to be next weekend. Joe is coming to visit, it is going to be fun. Whether it's just him and me, or if we have others tag along, I'm going to enjoy it. I'm going to enjoy some us time, and I'm going to have my boyfriend here for 2 days. It'll be ok...it'll be ok

le sigh

I hate this...i hate sitting here waiting for my phone to go off, wondering if he is even thinking about me. All the while, feeling guilty because he is going through a hard time with the loss of the uncle that no one liked...although when people die that kinda changes now doesnt it?

How am i supposed to be helpful and comforting when all I can do is think about how this weekend, instead of being together and having a great time, he might not even be coming out anymore because we dont know when the wake/funeral are, and i might be attending one or both over the weekend. so much for it being a mini vacation eh?

and i dont want to text him because i texted him an hour ago saying i missed him and ive gotten nothing back...so i dont want to bother him. it's just there's only 4 days left...4 days before what was going to be an awesome weekend...and now i dont know what's going to happen. i feel so helpless and yet so selfish

and this is my only outlet...idk what to do, idk what else to do...fuck

This is why you can't have nice things...

Ok so I have so much on my mind...so many happy things, so many annoying things...and I just don't know how else to deal so I'm blogging, cuz that's what us Generation X-ers do. So here I am blogging...

I think I'll start with the annoying shit first, because then I can end with the happy stuff. My mom is like really tweaking me out right now. I understand that she is frustrated and whatever and that is fine...but seriously? Let's get all upset and take it out on Kasey because that's the cool thing to do. I mean come on!!! I'm trying to have a civil conversation with you, try and figure shit out, and you are losing it. Chill the fuck out.

Anywho, on the happy side, Joe and I are a thing ;) Like a legit thing...and I really like it. I am liking everything about it...except for the fact that I am in Rochester and he is in Buffalo...that kinda sucks a lot...but otherwise, we are kind of a really cute couple :)

sigh...I can't focus...I'm going to bed. Hopefully I'll blog again soon...

*And isn't it ironic, don't ya think?*

What is going on?!?!?!? Like holy crap...idek. I have no idea, my mind is racing. I don't know what to do. I don't know what is going on!!!!! Is this just a game? Is this real life? Is what I think is happening actually happening? I have no clue...

i just needed to say that. goodnight?

"night! sweet dreams and all that jazz"

Away away away from here I'll be...

Ugh...i hate days like today. I mean, i had the day off which was wonderful...and I've been watching grey's anatomy all day which is also wonderful. But I'm in a mood and I don't like it. I'm in a mood for the following several reasons:
1.) I am overwhelmed and sad at the fact that band camp is in just under a week, and I am not going to be there with all of my friends
2.) My best friend blew me off completely today...but she did have the weekend with her boyfriend in her house by herself...and she has no idea that she blew me off
3.) I miss something...I miss something that I had at one point in my life not overly long ago, and I wish I had it back...I wish I was on a different path than I have happened to come down (and I highly doubt any of you have any idea what I'm talking about)

These things are why I am in a mood and I don't like it. The first one, I cannot control but I am doing everything I possibly can to get over it and stay over it. I mean, I did what I had to do. I did what was best for me and my family. It sucks, but I will get past it. The second one I wish I could control. I wish I could sit down and talk to her and tell her that she bitches and moans about Erin blowing her off all the time but she does the same thing to me. And she has no idea. The last thing I have absolutely no control over. There is nothing, NOTHING, nothing that I can do. I don't even know if there is anything I would do. I just know that I miss how I felt. I miss how wonderful I felt about life...I don't really feel that way sometimes. I mean, I have done some things that make me happy...I am happy with where my life is right now. However, I miss those good days from my past. I really miss the way things used to be. I miss that somethin...

Anywho...I think that's all I needed to get out on the table tonight. Thanks for listening and I'm sure I'll report in again sometime soon.

90s music fucking rocks!

Ok who remembers 90s music? Like actually remembers and can sing songs from the 90s?

Ok, now how many of those songs are not by boy/girl/poppy bands aka Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, Spice Girls, Brittany Spears, etc?

Can you name 5 songs? Come on, I know you can...

so I was running my errands tonight, driving around town in mom's car because I'm awesome and told her we could swap cars and I would fill her tank, and because she has satellite radio I was listening to the 90s on 9...damn we had some good music back then. Many fine tracks played as I drove down 390 and back again. I miss those days, back when I was between the ages of 3 and 12, and I had no worries...no bull shit drama, no love issues, no major problems of any sort. I miss those days a lot sometimes...

Then I have days like today. Today was an awesomely awesome day. I worked all day, but it was fantastic. Idk why but I was on this high my whole shift at work, I was just in such a good place. And I had a dance party, and I don't have to work tomorrow morning....life is pretty good.

It's just funny how certain things stick out in your head ya know? But I'm tired and I'm still in that good place (except The Spirit is a god awful movie), so I'm going to say farewell for now :) Night!

And vacation is officially over...

I had all these things I wanted to blog about, but now I have forgotten most of them, or can't figure out how to verbalize them...for the record.

Omg...what a week. What a freakin week. What a wild vacation...ok, so here goes.

I am so totally in love with the boys. Marcus and Donovan are so freakin adorable. I mean I am seriously, 100% in love with them. Sunday night I really really connected with Marcus and I need to be with them. The boys were very uncomfortable after all the attention from the day. They seemed to be a little backed up if ya know what I mean, and Lauren was holding Marcus when he started to really get fussy. She turned to me and I helped Leslie bring them inside. I got to swap babies a bit, feed them both pear juice to make them feel better, then I held Marcus for what seemed like a lifetime. It was amazing...like words can't descibe how I felt during those moments. It was like nothing I have ever felt before, and I doubt I will feel for quite some time.

I am in love with those boys...more in love with them than with anyone I have ever been with.

So I've decided, for my college graduation, I am giving myself a gift. I am going to give myself a vacation as a gift. I am going to go on the greatest road trip of my life, drive across the country, and visit the babies. They will be a year old by then, their new house will be all fixed up and ready to go, my car will be able to handle it...I am going to drive across the country and visit my family. I haven't decided if I want to bring anyone with me...as of right now, I kinda just want to go by myself. But I have close to a year to figure that part out. I am going to seriously start budgetting myself, saving money right away, and save up enough so I can afford to drive across the country. It's going to be life changing and amazing, and everything I could ever want, and I am going to go. I am determined. This is going to be my year.

This is going to be my year, fuck the world. I am going to do great in school this year, I am going to do some serious research and be successful at it, and I'm going to graduate from college. I am going to be confident in myself, I am going to be amazing. I am fucking Kasey god damnit! This is going to be my fucking year!